Thursday, April 28, 2005

Kung Fu Hustle -- Stephen Chow's masterpeice

Anyone who's seen Shaolin Soccer can guess what this new Stephen Chow film will be like. I'm here to tell all you guys that you have no idea how hillariously amazing this movie is. Right away there's action and it keeps on building up and getting better. Amazing special effects (kinda look fake, but it's still cool) out do Shaolin Soccer's incredible soccer goals. Kung Fu Hustle never stops being funny whether the Landlady beats the crap out of her casanova husband or Stephen Chow stomps toes into concrete. There's really no serious moments whatsoever, even with the love interest. She keeps getting mugged by the man she loves, but can't get him to recognize her because she's a mute. This is the most fun movie I've seen in recent memory.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Star Wars Kid the video game

Most people already know about this internet phenomenon just like you've probably already seen that Numa Numa guy on his webcam. If you haven't had the pleasure of seeing the Star Wars Kid, here's a link: http://www.screamingpickle.com/members/StarWarsKid/

I think a video game should be made where you get to be the Star Wars Kid. It doesn't have to be Star Wars. This guy would make a great bonus Soul Calibur character, huffing and puffing as he strains to twirl his golf ball retriever in random archs. Or a beat 'em up like Dynasty Warriors or any new LOTR game.

Star Wars Republic Commandos -- Screw S.O.C.O.M.

It's very hard to make a tactical FPS that all gamers can enjoy and not just the Tom Clancey novel fans. Republic Commandos and Brute Force are good examples of tactical shooters that don't require you to worry too much about other squad members so that the game dosn't become an explosive chess match. What's impressive about Commandos is the attention to detail to the Star Wars universe and real life commando tactics. When you issue a command you also communicate the message with hand signals.
Commanding your squad is easy. Simply hold down one button and choose a direction on your D-pad. 'Search and destroy', 'form up', 'hold position', and 'cancel command'. Nothing too complitcated and it's easy to learn fast. You can also command your squad members to take up positions behind cover and use certain types of weapons to fire from tht position with. You can also command them to blow up stuff, use turrets, and even a cool door breach maneuver which consist of one commando placing a charge on the lock and the other two taking cover just beside the door and when it opens one of them tosses in a grenade.
The real beauty is that you don't need to command your squad all the time. They can choose what weapons to use and take cover all by themselves. Best team AI ever. Your squad also consists of unique personalities which keep the game from being to monotonous. While you move from battle to battle your squad complains of losing count of kills or accusing one another of blowing that crate up 'just because you like doing it'.
The game is a pretty decent length and has a decent diffuculty level to it. You're not going to breeze through this one.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

The Amityville Horror -- This would have sold better during Halloween

Right, the oldest horror genre ever: the haunted house. It even involves tortured Indians for Christ's sake. And here you have it, a remake that was worth making and seeing right? Wrong.
Nobody dies, except for the original family that was murdered, but nobody cares about them. Well, a dog dies. Scared? Apparently it was thought that putting a child in dangerous situations that don't necessarily have to happen in a horror movie was good enough. You can watch that on the Lifetime channel. There are some cheap 'BOO! OMG! A GHOST!' scenes that will get a jump out of you, maybe. It's like M. Night Shyamalan's The Village. You were scared for nothing. While in Amityville there was a certified threat, (a possessed stepdad, YIKES!) how scary can he be? You could get the same thing from a drunk and crack smoking stepdad, why go the extra step and make the house move furniture? The house itself poses little threat to anyone. It can lock doors and shut windows, that's about it. It can shoot flys out of vents too, but only if you're stupid enough to look into the vent whispering to you. The sympathetic ghost of the murdered little girl caused more trouble than the evil house and possessed stepdad combined.
The acting isn't bad at all, and for a horror movie this one does its job to make you jump here and there, but there are better movies. Go watch Exorcist: Beginnings.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Sahara -- Six months from now nobody will remember this film

I never saw National Treasure because I knew it would be like this film, an instantly forgettable treasure hunter film with white people placed in an exotic location devoid of white people. Of course these are over powered characters with Navy Seal training which seems to give you a knowledge of how EVERYTHING works and allows you to know exacly what the bad guy is planning a few thriling seconds before it happens. This is one of those "shut the hell up and enjoy yourself for a standard two and a half hours" film.
The movie is fun once you turn your brain off and start putting away some Sour Jacks. Everything has to be done to the extreme: "Oh my God! There's a helicopter chasing us!" "Shoot the pilot!" "NO! It's too SUBTLE! Throw all of the dynamite on the road and I'll shoot it so we can create a smoke screen!" **spoiler alert** "Holy crap! We just uncovered that Confederate iron clad battle ship we were looking for!" "Hey, I got a crazy idea. Let's use that one hundred and fifty year old cannon to take out the African Warlord in the helicopter becuase we know how to use it!"
Yeah, stuff like that and more stuff you've seen. Like a knife fight in a hazordous setting.
Speed boat shoot outs. "What did you do?" "I shot a guy with a flare gun." "Cool." That's an actual quote.
If your a fan of this abused genre, enjoy. As for me, I'm going to wash my brain out with Indiana Jones.

Sin City -- Max Payne meets Kill Bill meets Marvel

So far this is my favorite movie of the year and will probably hold it's place as a personal #1. Sin City seems to take place during the 1950's according to all the coach jackets and old fashioned police cars, but there are cell phones. Sin City dosn't have a main plot, but is made up of short tales of urban legends and each one is bloodier than Kill Bill and potentially more disgusting than the 90's remake of The Fly. This film is NOT for those who feel for the characters pain, you do not want to feel their kind of pain.
The characters featured range from a retiring cop to a freakishly strong pill-popper and all seem to go through hell for 'the dames'. Every body talks in their head in a dark poetic manner, just like a comic book hero should.
The forces of the underworld in Sin City are not exactly what you'd expect. The prostitute mafia facing off against some mob boss' goons is something new to me. The corrupt plice force of the city employs IRA mercenaries. Also, their is a preist who employs a canabalistic Elijah Wood.
Very cool.
Again, the level of violence is amazing and the movie never seems to stop pulsing glowing, white blood on the silver screen. Several penises are damaged, and their close neighbors as well. Hands are eaten, cut off, blown off. People get hurt. All the time. Everybody. Instead of people acting I was probably watching very convincing plasma filled puppets beating the crap out of each other.
Sin City is either a movie you like or don't like. Did you like Kill Bill? If so you will like this slightly more ridiculous noir film.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Alien VS Predator -- REVIEW Flash movie presentation

I feel to lazy to write up a review for this one right now, here's a fun flash that has a pretty solid recap of the movie and some good points.

http://newgrounds.com/portal/view/231099

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Freedom Force VS The Third Reich -- Tragically destined for the bargain bin

Freedom Force is a strategy RPG based in the world of silver age comic books. You control squads of four super heros charged with the power of Energy X and fight crime. Complete with corny one-liners and funny costumes , Irrational set the mood for the 1960's super hero. Freedom Force VS The Third Reich continues a year later after the events of the first game. You start out with four familiar heros but start recruiting new heros and some old freinds rejoin your team as the story goes on. New heros like Green Genie and Tombstone introduce some new strategies like taking direct control over ANY enemy and making him stand still while you use the rest of your heros to beat the crap out of him. Or you can change him into a flower pot and throw it far away. Good times, good times.
I can't really call this a sequal. Graphics, sound, design are all unchanged. The story follows the same formula as its predecessor. You do battle the Third Reich but there is also an underlying problem that reveals itself just when the day seems saved.
If you've played Freedom Force and liked it then you will enjoy this one as well. If your new to the Freedom Force universe you will want to play the first game so you can undersatnd what's going on in the second.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

The secret to a great movie/game: Likeable Antagonists

The dull and sun shiney days of Disney villains are over! No more dumb henchmen who foil their own lame ass master's plans! Today's movie and game consumers crave something more than some cruel moron! We want characters like Sephiroth from FF VII and Bill from Kill Bill! Hell, any antagonist from Kill Bill would fit the bill. I'm talking about smart and cunning bad guys who reak evil and dont slip on bananna peels unless it's part of a really cool plan to destroy the world. Nobody liked Daredevil for its villains, or at all come to think of it. They all sucked. In Hell Boy the villains were all for shit except that demon that kept multiplying every time it died. The fight scene in the subway ruled!
Observing a story from the hero's point of view is done and done. Let's try with the bad guy and let him win a few rounds of 'conquer the universe' just to even the score. Wouldn't it be cool to win everything instead of just the girl and the warm feeling of a good deed done for once? When the game ends and the credits roll, I want to see my bad ass castle overlooking a burning city and my armies marching on dead peasants. Then I laugh for a good while and eat some grapes. The end. That would rule...