Monday, October 03, 2005

Corpse Bride -- God damn it Tim Burton

Tim Burton's "The Nightmare Before Christmas" was a likeable film just like "Edward Scissor Hands" and "Beetle Juice." Today, a Tim Burton film guarantees a waste of two hours and five bucks. "Monkey Bone" was the last Burton film I saw and... yeachhh! But now he's doing the stop-motion animation again! Surely it will be the redeeming work, the savior of noir Hot Topic shoppers. Miss.
The issue with Corpse Bride is that it's... boring. If I'm a kid and want to see a PG movie, I get a long, drab movie about a loser and a small population of singing zombies and greedy parents. If I'm an adult who remembers "The Nightmare Before Christmas" I'm sorely disappointed with how inferior this movie was and how unfunny it was.
The plot basically follows another Johnny Depp (This time his name is Victor) who is forced into an arranged marriage, which isn't so bad since he likes the girl. He just can't get his wedding vows down. Then he accidentally marries a corpse and that means he gets pulled into the netherworld for some reason. The world of the dead is, for some reason, really small and just contains the dead of the nearby area of Victor's village. That and Napoleon. Then there's trouble at home with his betrothed who is targeted by some lame, lame villain who nobody would love to hate.
There's no fun in this movie. No good jokes, no good scenes, no exceptional acting. No one is impressed except Hot Topic shoppers. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't good. Also, nobody likes singing in their movies anymore unless it's a movie about singing. It's all filler anyways so come up with a better script next time, although there shouldn't be a next time.


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